Pay It Forward

Over the years I have fielded many emails and phone calls (some anonymous) from parents of special needs kids.  Some have just recently gotten a diagnosis, are scared, and don't know what to do.  Some are in need IEP advice or are looking for a good therapist referral.  It is a true privilege to help these folks and sharing our experiences as a family with three special needs kiddos.  It makes me feel good to know someone else won't have to fumble around in the dark for answers because we have already been thru it.

My brother, Jon, was a special needs kid.  Due to negligence in the delivery room my brother's oxygen was cut off.  My parents didn't realize it at the time damage was done.  It was not until months later when Jon wasn't reaching his milestones my mother decided to seek out a pediatric neurologist.  The diagnosis was Cerebral Palsy.

My mother's reaction was to become a special needs activist.  This was before The American's with Disabilities Act and IDEA even existed.  In fact, I think of my mom every morning when I put my son on the bus because if it would not have been for her and her friends there would be no safety harnesses for special needs kids.

In my house the fact my brother had special needs was not a big deal.  I mean a child is not their diagnosis. We all have struggles.  My mom was very open with people about my brother in hopes perhaps she could help another family or they could help her.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Well it's an interesting story.  It all started Friday morning when our upstairs toilet clogged and we basically had Niagara Falls in our living room.  Yeah, it was BAD!  I was frustrated as I am sure most anyone would be and promptly called our plumber.  In this case our plumber happens to be a fellow homeschooling parent.  He is extremely friendly and talkative.  We have gotten to know him pretty well.

My husband and the plumber chatted for a few minutes while I sat at my computer frustrated doing research on an issue for one of my kids.  I tried for months to get answers to these questions.  I had spoken to everyone I knew and placed quite a few phone calls to which I had received no response; a total dead end.

My husband spoke about activities in the area for the coming week, about the local homeschool center, and finally concluded with sharing my research problem with his new "best friend."

"Hey, I don't know much about all of this autism business but I have a friend who works with special needs kids and I know he would be happy to help you out," my husband's new BFF shared.

As you can guess I was somewhat ecstatic!!  "Seriously!  That would be awesome!"

Well this guy turned out to be the exact person who guided me the answers I had tirelessly been searching for and I learned even more information that helped me with my problem.

So now I would like to share something with my fellow warrior moms (and dads).  Being a special needs parent is not the job any of us signed up for but I do believe we were chosen for a reason.  With this role comes responsibility to other parents, our children, and the community.  You do not get the luxury of sitting complacently on the sidelines; or worse yet hiding in the shadows of the bleachers.  You are obligated to get in the game!  If we want to truly gain acceptance for our children we have to have no fear of speaking up.  Autism (or whatever the disability) is not something we need to not say under our breathe like my grandmother used to say "cancer" or in some cases never spoken at all.

Stand up!

The truth is the parents who came before you are the ones who made sure there was legislation to create IDEA so your kid could have an IEP.  Hell, they are the reason there are special needs classrooms and schools.  Safety harnesses on the bus and transportation to school.  You owe it to them to pay it forward to the next generation of parents of special needs kids. You owe it to your kid. You owe it to me and mine.

So don't be afraid to be your child's voice because we are in this together and we are helping each other.  Who knows maybe you will be the one to refer a parent to the attorney who helps them win their Due Process hearing.  Maybe it will be you who helps a family find a grant to pay for  that expensive therapy they couldn't afford.  Maybe will be you to help that other mom thru having to clean feces off her walls for the 100th time.  Maybe you'll be the person who makes others say, "Because of you I didn't give up!"