Parshat Hukat: Meeting a Child's Unique Educational Needs

I recently read an article written by Rajiv Basaiawmoit, Sustainability MBA Alumnus from Aarhus University.  In 2012 a group of MBA students from the University entered in to a marketing competition to end the stigma of wearing eyeglasses in developing countries. 

In many parts of the world it is still socially unacceptable to wear glasses. For many children with poor eyesight, the school years become extremely frustrating. They have vision issues that could easily be remedied by wearing eyeglasses yet they are not being given the glasses because of the social stigma involved with wearing them. This is lead to high drop out rates among these students as they are unable to complete the school work needed to graduate. 

Even though it is hard for us to imagine, it is nevertheless the reality in many countries as it was here in the states around seventy years ago. 

This morning I received this amazing d'var Torah (weekly insight to the Bible) from a friend of mine written by Rabbi Eli Mansour I would like to share with you, below.  The subject of special needs and the stigma it almost always carries, particularly in the Orthodox Jewish community, has been on my mind for some time now. 

We have always been very open about our children's challenges and how we are hadling them. We hope by being vocal it will let other parents know they are not alone and give them strength.  

I am consistently reprimanded and cautioned by well meaning, yet misguided  individuals who are concerned about our openness in regards to our children's differences.  In particular, the challenges our older boys deal with as it not something people can see when they look at them.  They warn me my children will never find decent shidduchim (match for marriage) because of this.  My reply is always the same, "You believe in G-d don't you?"

We have an epidemic of denial here and it is doing damage to our children's neshamot (souls)!  Something we will be discussing in detail in the weeks to come!  The thinking I see regarding special needs in the Jewish community is as antiquated as eyeglasses being a social stigma in developing countries.  It must stop!

Shabbat Shalom (happy Sabbath)!

Weekly Parasha Insights by Rabbi Eli Mansour

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Description: Parashat Hukat: Meeting a Child’s Unique Educational Needs

Parashat Hukat begins with the famous law of Para Aduma, the red cow that was burned and its ashes mixed with water that would be used to purify those who came in contact with a human corpse. Contact with a human corpse results in a status of Tum’a (impurity), and in order to regain his status of Tahara (purity), the person would have to be sprinkled with the special water prepared with the ashes of the Para Aduma.

The most unusual feature of the Para Aduma is the opposite effect the water had on different people. When a Kohen sprinkled the water on a person who was Tameh, the person would thereby become Tahor, while the Kohen who performed the sprinkling would become Tameh. And thus the Para Aduma waters would bring purity to those who were impure, and bring impurity to those who were pure.

The Torah introduces this section with the words “Zot Hukat Ha’Torah” – “This is the statute of the Torah.” Rather than introducing this discussion as the laws of the Para Aduma, the Torah instead describes these laws as “Hukat Ha’Torah.” It seems that the special properties of the Para Aduma are relevant not only to the particular context of Tum’a and Tahara, but more generally, to the entire Torah.

Indeed, the concept of something being beneficial for one person but detrimental to another is truly the “statute of the Torah,” a fundamental rule about Torah education. The same school and educational approach which works wonders for one child would be destructive for another. Just as the Para Aduma waters purify some and contaminate others, similarly, an educational method can be “purifying” and uplifting for some students but worthless or even harmful for others. This is the “Hukat Ha’Torah” – that each student’s needs must be individually assessed. We cannot use Torah education as a cookie-cutter trying to turn every child into the exact same kind of adult. This would be going against the “Hukat Ha’Torah,” the fundamental rule that a system which is right for one person is wrong for another.

Unfortunately, I have met many parents who make their educational choices for their children based on considerations that have little, if anything, to do with the children’s individual needs. Too often, parents choose a school or yeshiva in Israel not to meet the child’s needs, but to meet their own needs. They might be embarrassed to tell their friends that their child attends school X, and will score points by proudly reporting that the child attends school Y. They might be concerned about a stigma associated with a certain school that best suits their child, and refuse to enroll the child in that school. They might have connections in a prestigious institution that they can leverage to have their child admitted, even though it is clearly the wrong choice for that child.

This problem is especially common when it comes to children with special needs. I recall one incident involving a child who was not speaking at the age of four, and the parents were reluctant to enroll their child in an institution specializing in this particular area because of their fear of a stigma. Rather than provide the child with the most suitable and beneficial framework, the parents were instead worried about their reputation.

The lesson of the Para Aduma is the “Hukat Ha’Torah” – the rule we must follow in educating our children. Our decisions must be made based solely on the individual needs of the child, not on the needs of anybody else. This way we ensure that each and every child receives the “purification” he or she needs and grows to become a devoted member of Am Yisrael. 

Homeschooling a Dyslexic Child, Yes You Can!

(L-R Merlin and Wild Krat)

I have been so excited to write this post!
(Sorry folks.  My wife wrote this last week.  I only got the editing done today.)

Unlike autism, dyslexia is relatively new to us as a family so we are on a learning curve.  Reading came very easily to me, so having children with dyslexia and understanding their struggles has been challenging at times, to say the least.

Year after year the psychologists from the school system were baffled the boys had such incredibly high IQ's (Please believe me, I am not bragging.  I want those of you reading to understand dyslexia does not equal stupid.  Dyslexia has nothing to do with intelligence or the lack there of.  I would roll my eyes reading it too, so feel free.) and yet scored so low in areas like: reading, math, and working memory.

The school system could not give us answers; nor could the private Jewish day school.  I had done some research and posed the questions repeatedly at the IEP meetings: "Could this be dyslexia?"  I was told they were unable to test for dyslexia until third grade.  They kept insisting time would tease out the specifics.  The TRUTH is: many school districts refuse, against all scientific data, to acknowledge dyslexia even exists.  You will most likely needs to find answers on your own thru private testing.

My hopes in writing this piece is someone out there will read this and say, "Hey, that sounds like my kid."  Or maybe this will help you in some other way.  We would love to know if it did.

So, what is Dyslexia?

According to the National Center for Learning Disabilities dyslexia is:

 a lifelong challenge people are born with.  This language processing disorder can hinder reading, writing, spelling and sometimes even speaking.  

Dyslexia is not a sign of poor intelligence or laziness.  

It is also not the result of impaired vision.  

Children and adults with dyslexia simply have a neurological disorder causing their brains to process and interpret information differently.

What Are the Warning Signs of Dyslexia?

Dyslexia: Warning Signs By Age

Young Children Trouble With: Recognizing letters, matching letters to sounds and blending sounds into speech Pronouncing words, for example saying “mawn lower” instead of “lawn mower” Learning and correctly using new vocabulary words Learning the alphabet, numbers, and days of the week or similar common word sequences Rhyming

School-Age Children Trouble With: Mastering the rules of spelling Remembering facts and numbers Handwriting or with gripping a pencil Learning and understanding new skills; instead, relying heavily on memorization Reading and spelling, such as reversing letters (d, b) or moving letters around (left, felt) Following a sequence of directions Trouble with word problems in math

Teenagers and Adults Trouble With: Reading at the expected level Understanding non-literal language, such as idioms, jokes, or proverbs Reading aloud Organizing and managing time Trouble summarizing a story Learning a foreign language Memorizing

I mentioned in an earlier post we pulled my boys from their private day school due to bullying.  (A long, horrible story for another day.)  Once I had them home and was working with them, I became more convinced what we were dealing with  was: Dyslexia.

We searched and found a psychologist specializing in diagnosing dyslexia in young children.  My presumptions were correct.  Merlin and Wild Krat were dyslexic.  Wild Krat was severe.  They were text book dyslexics and everyone I had been looking to for help the three years prior had totally missed it.

The truth is a trained psychologist should be able to pick up warning signs of dyslexia in preschool. The earlier a child is diagnosed the better.  Given the proper intervention children with dyslexia can learn  to read and write.

The Decision to Homeschool

Once we received the diagnosis we were faced with various options.  The first was to go thru the local, public school system and see what they would be able to offer.  After going thru the IEP process we found the local schools would provide remediation in a small group setting for reading and math.  The boys would be mainstreamed for the remaining subjects with no additional support.  They also qualified for speech and occupational therapy once a week for thirty minutes in a small group setting.  

We, of course, disagreed this was providing them an appropriate educational environment guaranteed under the law.  However, being down the road of Due Process before with Turbo we decided to consult our attorney.  After speaking with an attorney it was decided we should not go through a lengthy and expensive legal battle times two, so we kept searching. 

Baltimore is blessed with outstanding private schools for dyslexic children.  We promptly applied to both for Wild Krat and he was accepted.  Unfortunately, there was no financial aid available for incoming families at either school, so tuition was way beyond our price range. 

Merlin was more of a puzzle as his dyslexia is coupled with ADHD so we looked at a number of other private school options for him.  We found two and he was accepted to both.  In the end, after a lengthy conversation with our educational consultant, we decided against both as she felt they were not a good fit.   

After doing a lot of research and a lot of praying we decided homeschooling was our only option.  I will admit it, I had to be drug along kicking and screaming initially.  I was terrified and thought there was absolutely no way this could work.  I mean, I don't have a degree in education let alone a special education background.  After two and a half years I am happy to say what initially seemed a curse was in fact a huge blessing.

Again, I share this information with you hoping it will give you chizuk (strength) and be helpful.  Use our experiences as a blueprint.  Every child and every family has different strengths and needs.  No two situations are exactly alike.

Reading, Writing and Spelling Program

In my humble opinion homeschooling a child with dyslexia is the best thing for the child given you have the right help.  Seeking guidance from a qualified educational consultant is a great start.  Kiddos with dyslexia require an explicit, systematic, hands-on curriculum tailored to their individual needs.

The psychologist recommended we find a Speech and Language Pathologist who was trained in the Lindamood Bell Program, LiPs, to work with the boys.  I ended up finding Dr. R who was not only an SLP also trained in Lindamood Bell, but also a reading specialist trained in a number of various, scientifically based reading programs.  Dr. R. and I had a repour right from the start. She is an amazing human being spending a lot of time with me, free of charge, teaching me how to teach my boys.  The cherry on top of the sundae is Dr. R. is dyslexic herself so she understands what they need and how to get thru to them. After meeting with the boys and looking over their testing, she recommended using the Phono-Graphix program as she felt it would best suit their needs.

Phono Graphix has been a great fit.  The boys have made incredible progress this year --  and I do mean incredible!  Dr. R. has now been working with the boys for seven months.  In that time Merlin is now reading on grade level.  He went from a 1st grade reading level to a 3rd grade reading level.  Wild Krat was still struggling with the ABC's (in Phono Graphix we say sound pictures) at the beginning of the year.  He is now reading at a first grade mid year reading level!  Dr. R designed and implemented a reading, spelling, and writing program making all the difference in their lives.

We love you Dr. R!!!!

There is also a book on the market called Reading Reflex.  It is written by the creators of Phono Graphix, laying out a program for parents who want to work with their kiddos at home.  No special materials or training required.  It is straightforward and thourough.

 Reading, in my opinion is not a base skill -- it is a life skill!  So a lot of time and energy is placed reading in our home.

We have a very classical homeschool approach and spend a vast majority of our time and energy on the 3R's.  Dr. R. sees the boys four days a week for an hour individually each day, on  year-round schedule for reading therapy. I review "homework" in the evening as well as have them read a loud for a half-hour each.  Wild Krat and I take turns reading during his read-a-loud time as he is still struggling with decoding and fluency issues so reading is still very hard work for him.

Dr. R also sees them three days a week, for hour each, for speech and language therapy.  Many dyslexics also struggle with phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, or pragmatics so I would strongly urge you to consult an SLP to see if your child qualifies for services. This type of therapy is typically covered by insurance.  

The boys also have occupational therapy (which includes Handwriting Without Tears). This year they are also learning touch typing.  Touch typing is amazing for kiddos like mine dealing with dysgraphia as well as dyslexia.  We love the program Typing Instructor.  This program is structured like a game which keeps up motivation for Merlin especially. They no longer balk at "writing" assignments because the typing is so much easier for them then writing with paper and pencil. 

You can find the help you need in many places for little or no cost.  There are many non-profits who offer free tutoring to dyslexic children.  There are also grants available on a state and national level that can assist you in paying for these types of therapeutic services.  If you homeschool and are looking for a reading tutor my advice is to be very straight forward and honest about your financial situation and what you can afford to pay.  Most tutors work in the evening after most kids return home from school.  I have found many to be very generous with hourly rate reductions when you are able to give them daytime hours especially if you plan to have the child seen more then once a week.  You should also check with your financial advisor because many therapeutic services are tax deductible.

Math Program

Touch Math is a great program and for children with learning differences.  It is also very exciting to see Touch Math now has a homeschool version of their program.  They will also send you a free training video so you can see how they present the material. They also have free online training videos. The thing I love most about this program is it's mastery based and multi-sensory which works really well for us.  We went thru a number of math programs before finding this one thru a tutor.  Within a week concepts that had been difficult suddenly became easy and we were moving ahead full steam.  Wild Krat summed it up best when he said, "it finally makes sense."

Kodesh (Jewish Studies)

I have two goals when teaching my children kodesh: 

(1)"V'ahav'ta eit Adonai Elohekha b'khol l'vav'kha uv'khol naf'sh'kha uv'khol m'odekha.  And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. Dueteronomy 6:4-9   

(2)  "כל מה שתרצו שיעשו לכם בני האדם,כן גם אתם עשו להם Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you."  

I want my children to develop a life-long love of learning. 

At the psychologists recommendation, we took an entire year off of kriah (reading Hebrew) for Wild Krat.  It was too much for him.  Given the progress he has made with his english reading we will be working on kriah again this fall. Merlin spent the year honing his kriah skills using the Cap It! program and is beginning Chumash.  (The Five Books of Moses, Torah) We are using a combination of Lashon HaTorah and Bright Beginnings workbooks.

My husband davens (prays) with Merlin from a siddur (prayer book) in the mornings and I have used the My First Siddur with Wild Krat this year.  It worked well for us as it puts the davening to music, which was easier for Wild Krat to remember.  We also spend a lot of time discussing various tefillot  ( (blessing) and their meaning.  This coming fall, at Merlin's request, we will also be learning about The Thirteen Attributes of Mercy (Shalosh-'Esreh Middot HaRakhamim) in detail after davening as he noticed this at the back of his siddur.  

Parsha Shavua (the weekly Torah portion) is reviewed after morning davening during the week.  Wild Krat is a big lego fan and enjoys "building" his dvar Torah  (Torah thought) for Shabbat and discussing it during the sueda (meal).  Merlin loves us to put together parsha (portion) questions for him to answer during the meal and singing.  He has taught himself various Shabbat songs from the Aish HaTorah Website.

My kids are also expected to take on a chesed  (volunteer) project for the year.  I find it incredibly important to teach young children to give back and, in my humble opinion, not enough emphasis is placed on it.

On a side note, in case anyone reading this works for a publishing company for kodesh curriculum --Our orthodox homeschooling community is growing by the minute and we would love access to curriculum used in local yeshivot.  (Schools) The fact that many are blocking us from purchasing said curriculum is seriously ridiculous.  In regards to homeschooling, Jews are about thirty years behind our Christian counterparts in terms of homeschooling being an acceptable choice.  Whether you like it or not homeschoolers are here and we are not going anywhere.  Accept it!

Everything Else

Our science, music, history curriculum is very hands on and fun!  My kids are science fanatics so the they take a lot of science classes, both co-op (not in the Jewish community) and homeschool classes offered by our local aquarium and science center.  For history we have been using Story of the World.  It has a hands on component and includes map work as well.

Dr. R. has encouraged us to really find where the boys talents and interested lie and allow them to spend a lot of their time pursuing things they excel at.  This is a huge reason we have no formal learning on Fridays.  We do a lot of extracurriculars!

Dyslexic kids, even if they are homeschooled, know their reading skills are behind those of their peers.  Self esteem is vital to all children and the best way is give them an opportunity to shine in their areas of strength.

Socialization

The question I get most often and the biggest myth about homeschooling -- if you take them out of school how will they learn to socialize?

First of all there is a huge difference between socializing and being put in a class with twenty five other kids just because you were born in the same year.  I have seen far too many kids in a typical brick and mortar school setting who are not learning to socialize properly.  

As I mentioned before, my kids take a number of homeschool co-op classes based on their interests such as art, tae kwon do, music, and science to name a few.  Classes such as these are made up of children in an age range such as 7-12 years old.  I make sure they have weekly playdates and we go on regular outings with our local homeschool community center.  We also recently have began writing to pen pals.

In my experience I have found homeschooled children to be comfortable socializing with adults and younger or older children. They get exposure to many different types of people in many different settings.  Of course you could point to a socially akward homeschooled child but I could also point to children schooled in a traditional brick and mortar setting who are struggling.  I believe this is a matter of personality and not lack of socialization.

I must share with you this amazing blog post by Matt Walsh entitled Behold: The two absolutely worst arguments against homeschooling.  This is a must read!

Curriculum I Love

Touch Math

Phono Graphix

All About Spelling

All About Reading

Cap It! (Hebrew)

Story of the World

Apologia for science

Typing Instructor

Lashon HaTorah

Bright Beginnings 

Must Read Books on Dyslexia

Brain Intergration Therapy Manual by Diane Craft who has amazing ideas of how to work with children who are dyslexic/ADD/ADHD.  This book contains a method to enhance a child's brain function by performing simple physical movements that cross midline.  The book is simple and easy to use and a great way to "warm up" before beginning your academic day. Yes, it does work!  I speak from experience!

Dyslexic Advantage  There is a website with the same name by the authors and it is excellent as well. 

Overcoming Dyslexia  A wonderful source of information for the parent looking to understand the science behind dyslexia.  

In closing I would just like to say how proud I am of my kiddos.  They are intelligent, hard working, loving, generous people.  I have been humbled and awed by their fortitude and strength.  If you had asked me three years ago, homeschooling, would have not even been on my radar.  This experience has truly not only strengthened our family but enriched our lives.  The boys are thriving and happy!  Hatzlacha (success) in your own journey!  May Hashem (G-d) bless you with health, happiness, and only revealed good!  May we all go from strength to strength!