Pay It Forward

Over the years I have fielded many emails and phone calls (some anonymous) from parents of special needs kids.  Some have just recently gotten a diagnosis, are scared, and don't know what to do.  Some are in need IEP advice or are looking for a good therapist referral.  It is a true privilege to help these folks and sharing our experiences as a family with three special needs kiddos.  It makes me feel good to know someone else won't have to fumble around in the dark for answers because we have already been thru it.

My brother, Jon, was a special needs kid.  Due to negligence in the delivery room my brother's oxygen was cut off.  My parents didn't realize it at the time damage was done.  It was not until months later when Jon wasn't reaching his milestones my mother decided to seek out a pediatric neurologist.  The diagnosis was Cerebral Palsy.

My mother's reaction was to become a special needs activist.  This was before The American's with Disabilities Act and IDEA even existed.  In fact, I think of my mom every morning when I put my son on the bus because if it would not have been for her and her friends there would be no safety harnesses for special needs kids.

In my house the fact my brother had special needs was not a big deal.  I mean a child is not their diagnosis. We all have struggles.  My mom was very open with people about my brother in hopes perhaps she could help another family or they could help her.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Well it's an interesting story.  It all started Friday morning when our upstairs toilet clogged and we basically had Niagara Falls in our living room.  Yeah, it was BAD!  I was frustrated as I am sure most anyone would be and promptly called our plumber.  In this case our plumber happens to be a fellow homeschooling parent.  He is extremely friendly and talkative.  We have gotten to know him pretty well.

My husband and the plumber chatted for a few minutes while I sat at my computer frustrated doing research on an issue for one of my kids.  I tried for months to get answers to these questions.  I had spoken to everyone I knew and placed quite a few phone calls to which I had received no response; a total dead end.

My husband spoke about activities in the area for the coming week, about the local homeschool center, and finally concluded with sharing my research problem with his new "best friend."

"Hey, I don't know much about all of this autism business but I have a friend who works with special needs kids and I know he would be happy to help you out," my husband's new BFF shared.

As you can guess I was somewhat ecstatic!!  "Seriously!  That would be awesome!"

Well this guy turned out to be the exact person who guided me the answers I had tirelessly been searching for and I learned even more information that helped me with my problem.

So now I would like to share something with my fellow warrior moms (and dads).  Being a special needs parent is not the job any of us signed up for but I do believe we were chosen for a reason.  With this role comes responsibility to other parents, our children, and the community.  You do not get the luxury of sitting complacently on the sidelines; or worse yet hiding in the shadows of the bleachers.  You are obligated to get in the game!  If we want to truly gain acceptance for our children we have to have no fear of speaking up.  Autism (or whatever the disability) is not something we need to not say under our breathe like my grandmother used to say "cancer" or in some cases never spoken at all.

Stand up!

The truth is the parents who came before you are the ones who made sure there was legislation to create IDEA so your kid could have an IEP.  Hell, they are the reason there are special needs classrooms and schools.  Safety harnesses on the bus and transportation to school.  You owe it to them to pay it forward to the next generation of parents of special needs kids. You owe it to your kid. You owe it to me and mine.

So don't be afraid to be your child's voice because we are in this together and we are helping each other.  Who knows maybe you will be the one to refer a parent to the attorney who helps them win their Due Process hearing.  Maybe it will be you who helps a family find a grant to pay for  that expensive therapy they couldn't afford.  Maybe will be you to help that other mom thru having to clean feces off her walls for the 100th time.  Maybe you'll be the person who makes others say, "Because of you I didn't give up!"

The Poopy.

See where it says this blog is about the good, the bad, and the poopy.  Well, here comes the poopy.

It's just apart of a day as a daddy.  

So, night before last Turbo was pestering me all night, wanting me to give him gluten-free double-chocolate chip cookies.  He kept tossing a box of cookies at me as his way of asking me for cookies.

Then he relents and starts asking me.

"I want eat cookies," he said in his wispy, high pitched voice. 

No way, man, I think to myself.

In the past several days he pee-peed all over the dining room, living room, standing on an end table and peeing like a fountain all over the floor and later all over the coffee table after I took a long time cleaning the coffee table.

Oh, let's not forget taking the kitchen faucet and spraying water all over the floor with it.  It wasn't to clean up after himself, I assure you.  He loves to either rip up paper and "stim" with it.  However, when paper is not available water all over the place does just fine.  Yay!  (I'll spare you the photos and video -- for now.)

"I want eat cookie?"  I asked him.

"Yes," he replied enthusiastically. 

"I want cookie.  Pee pee in the potty.  I want cookie.  Poopy in the potty!  Two cookies." I say.

 We have had this conversation countless times.  I know he gets it.  I know he understands.  Yet, daily, it's a pee-fest for the most part. Topped off with a poo-pa-do finally.  We have had success here and there.  You know, a pee here and a pee there in the potty.  However, no poo in the potty.

(This is a point of contention with Merlin as he claims he saw Turbo go poo in the potty once not so long ago.  I'm the one who consistently picks up "la poopwa" off the floor, with paper du twa-lette of course, walks it over to the potty with Turbo in tow, to drop it in the la pot-wa, saying "poopy in the potty" on a daily basis.  Not him Merlin.  I'm pretty sure I would know if he pooed in the potty.)

Anyway, last night I take him into the bathroom.  Guess what--he peed in the potty!  One cookie for my main man.

Later on, he walks up to the bathroom all my himself.  And--pee pee in the potty!  Naw.  Can't be.  Yep.  Multiple confirmations from the other kiddos.  Okay, baby.

Can you feel it, people.  Oh yeah.  Here is what happened next.  I walk up stairs and Turbo is walking around outside the bathroom.  Just smiling ear to ear.  So, I walk into the bathroom.  Yep, tell-tale signs he was there.  Smudges of poo on the seat cover and seat.  Top is up.  I look down into the bowl.  No way.  Is it Turbo's? Naw.    I look back at Turbo.  He's smiling from ear to ear.  No, he's beaming.  Yes, there are smudges of brown on his shirt to confirm.  HE POOPIED ON THE POTTY!

"Yay!  You poopied in the potty!  Two cookies for you. Oh yeah, baby."

(Merlin chimes in, again pointing out this is the second time he did it.  No it isn't.  Yes it is.  Ug.  Do clean up and we'll talk.)

I help Turbo wash his hands.  He is demanding payment.  Now.  Okay.  He grabs the cookies.  I attempt to take his shirt off.  Nope.  Not going with it.  Up to the toilet I go for clean up.

It was a good night.

Here is the kicker.  Tonight--he walks into the bathroom.  Pees in the bathroom--all over the floor.  I walk in and attempt to get him to sit down.  He's not going for it.

"Don't let him out.  I know he has to poo," my wife says.

So, I block him from leaving.  I ask him to sit down again.  Nope.  Not doing it.  Instead, he strips, stands on the little step-stool in front of the pot, squats down and -- bombs away.

Well, he did poo and pee in the potty -- if you just adjust the definition of potty.

Such is the road of progress.

Dang.

Surfer's Healing: Not Just Another Day At the Beach

Turbo and Izzy

http://www.surfershealing.org/

I went to a support group meeting back months ago where a representative from Surfer's Healing came to share about this unique opportunity for kids on the autism spectrum.  It sounded AMAZING!  So on Mother's Day this year at 4pm I sat at the ready in front of my computer to try and score two spots at this unique camp for children on the spectrum.  In a mere ten minutes all 215 spaces were filled!

Surfer's Healing was started 15 years ago by Izzy Paskowitz and his wife Danielle.  Izzy is a champion, professional surfer and father of a a child diagnosed with severe autism.  Izzy and Danielle started this non-profit organization after seeing the positive, calming affects that being in the water had on their son, Isiah.  What started out as small day camps in California has boomed into a national organization.  Did I mention this program is completely free of charge to the families! 

Our family was fortunate enough to attend the camp in Ocean City last week and it was truly amazing!  Two of our children surfed but there were activities for the entire family all day long.  It began by waiting in line to register.  I dread waiting in any line with Turbo as he has little patience and generally will hit or try to run away.  He also lets out these blood curdling screams when he gets excited and seeing the ocean for the first time definitely got him excited.  I knew it was going to be a special day when no one even seemed to noticed these behaviors that typically elicit scowls and nasty comments from strangers.  

Once we rounded the corner from the registration booth what I saw next took my breath away;  a sea of families living with autism. I can't explain to you what it feels like to be around people that "get it."  No one was judgmental or unkind. There were children painting, getting caricatures drawn, doing yoga, and suiting up to surf. Parents were hanging out on the beach getting to know one another and cheering the kids on.  It was an amazing sight!  

We had some time before the boys surf time to we set up camp and went to pick up the kid's gift bags and trade in our food tickets for some snacks. We played in the waves and watched the other children surf.  The kids who were surfing had a captive audience with family, random beach goers, and families there for the program.  We clapped and cheered for the kids as they rode the waves.  I am not an incredibly sentimental person but you literally could just feel the love and acceptance all around you.  That is the one beautiful thing about autism.  I have met and become friends with some of the most amazing people.  Folks I would have never met if my child didn't have autism because our lives are so vastly different.  That day on the beach I saw old friends and made some new ones as well.

Princess Flowers playing in the sand

Wild Krat and Merlin in the surf

Once child in particular stood out to me.  He was in line with the volunteers waiting his turn on the beach.  Once the surfer came and started leading him out to the beach he began having a meltdown.  Mom and dad were watching from the sidelines (they ask you to let the volunteers handle everything) looking incredibly worried.  The surfer got down eye level with the boy and spoke to him calmly while playing with him in the sand.  After a few minutes the surfer picked him up and put him over his shoulder.  The boy was still upset but as they walked out in to the ocean you could visibly see his entire body relax and a big smile cover his face.  As the boy rode his first wave in to the beach mom started crying.  It's an amazing thing to see your child do something extraordinary when most of the time all you hear about is what they cannot do.

Turbo with a Kung Fu grip on Daryl

As I read over what I have written so far I don't think I have adequately gotten across how amazing and desperately needed this day really was for our family.  Over the last five years all three of my boys have been diagnosed with different special needs.  I spend my waking hours: scheduling therapy appointments, attending IEP's,  speaking with lawyers, applying for grants, arguing with insurance companies, worrying about how to pay the therapy and lawyer bills, worrying what will happen to them if something happens to me.  My life has become and seems to revolve around special needs.  It's hard, really hard, but for one day a few weeks ago in August I was just a mom who didn't think about autism for a whole day.  I played in the water with my kids, built sand castles and played games.  I got to meet and speak with some amazing people.  And I cannot thank you enough, Surfer's Healing, for giving me that one, perfect day!  You are truly an amazing group of people! Until next year, Mahalo!

Parshat Hukat: Meeting a Child's Unique Educational Needs

I recently read an article written by Rajiv Basaiawmoit, Sustainability MBA Alumnus from Aarhus University.  In 2012 a group of MBA students from the University entered in to a marketing competition to end the stigma of wearing eyeglasses in developing countries. 

In many parts of the world it is still socially unacceptable to wear glasses. For many children with poor eyesight, the school years become extremely frustrating. They have vision issues that could easily be remedied by wearing eyeglasses yet they are not being given the glasses because of the social stigma involved with wearing them. This is lead to high drop out rates among these students as they are unable to complete the school work needed to graduate. 

Even though it is hard for us to imagine, it is nevertheless the reality in many countries as it was here in the states around seventy years ago. 

This morning I received this amazing d'var Torah (weekly insight to the Bible) from a friend of mine written by Rabbi Eli Mansour I would like to share with you, below.  The subject of special needs and the stigma it almost always carries, particularly in the Orthodox Jewish community, has been on my mind for some time now. 

We have always been very open about our children's challenges and how we are hadling them. We hope by being vocal it will let other parents know they are not alone and give them strength.  

I am consistently reprimanded and cautioned by well meaning, yet misguided  individuals who are concerned about our openness in regards to our children's differences.  In particular, the challenges our older boys deal with as it not something people can see when they look at them.  They warn me my children will never find decent shidduchim (match for marriage) because of this.  My reply is always the same, "You believe in G-d don't you?"

We have an epidemic of denial here and it is doing damage to our children's neshamot (souls)!  Something we will be discussing in detail in the weeks to come!  The thinking I see regarding special needs in the Jewish community is as antiquated as eyeglasses being a social stigma in developing countries.  It must stop!

Shabbat Shalom (happy Sabbath)!

Weekly Parasha Insights by Rabbi Eli Mansour

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Description: Parashat Hukat: Meeting a Child’s Unique Educational Needs

Parashat Hukat begins with the famous law of Para Aduma, the red cow that was burned and its ashes mixed with water that would be used to purify those who came in contact with a human corpse. Contact with a human corpse results in a status of Tum’a (impurity), and in order to regain his status of Tahara (purity), the person would have to be sprinkled with the special water prepared with the ashes of the Para Aduma.

The most unusual feature of the Para Aduma is the opposite effect the water had on different people. When a Kohen sprinkled the water on a person who was Tameh, the person would thereby become Tahor, while the Kohen who performed the sprinkling would become Tameh. And thus the Para Aduma waters would bring purity to those who were impure, and bring impurity to those who were pure.

The Torah introduces this section with the words “Zot Hukat Ha’Torah” – “This is the statute of the Torah.” Rather than introducing this discussion as the laws of the Para Aduma, the Torah instead describes these laws as “Hukat Ha’Torah.” It seems that the special properties of the Para Aduma are relevant not only to the particular context of Tum’a and Tahara, but more generally, to the entire Torah.

Indeed, the concept of something being beneficial for one person but detrimental to another is truly the “statute of the Torah,” a fundamental rule about Torah education. The same school and educational approach which works wonders for one child would be destructive for another. Just as the Para Aduma waters purify some and contaminate others, similarly, an educational method can be “purifying” and uplifting for some students but worthless or even harmful for others. This is the “Hukat Ha’Torah” – that each student’s needs must be individually assessed. We cannot use Torah education as a cookie-cutter trying to turn every child into the exact same kind of adult. This would be going against the “Hukat Ha’Torah,” the fundamental rule that a system which is right for one person is wrong for another.

Unfortunately, I have met many parents who make their educational choices for their children based on considerations that have little, if anything, to do with the children’s individual needs. Too often, parents choose a school or yeshiva in Israel not to meet the child’s needs, but to meet their own needs. They might be embarrassed to tell their friends that their child attends school X, and will score points by proudly reporting that the child attends school Y. They might be concerned about a stigma associated with a certain school that best suits their child, and refuse to enroll the child in that school. They might have connections in a prestigious institution that they can leverage to have their child admitted, even though it is clearly the wrong choice for that child.

This problem is especially common when it comes to children with special needs. I recall one incident involving a child who was not speaking at the age of four, and the parents were reluctant to enroll their child in an institution specializing in this particular area because of their fear of a stigma. Rather than provide the child with the most suitable and beneficial framework, the parents were instead worried about their reputation.

The lesson of the Para Aduma is the “Hukat Ha’Torah” – the rule we must follow in educating our children. Our decisions must be made based solely on the individual needs of the child, not on the needs of anybody else. This way we ensure that each and every child receives the “purification” he or she needs and grows to become a devoted member of Am Yisrael. 

Homeschooling a Dyslexic Child, Yes You Can!

(L-R Merlin and Wild Krat)

I have been so excited to write this post!
(Sorry folks.  My wife wrote this last week.  I only got the editing done today.)

Unlike autism, dyslexia is relatively new to us as a family so we are on a learning curve.  Reading came very easily to me, so having children with dyslexia and understanding their struggles has been challenging at times, to say the least.

Year after year the psychologists from the school system were baffled the boys had such incredibly high IQ's (Please believe me, I am not bragging.  I want those of you reading to understand dyslexia does not equal stupid.  Dyslexia has nothing to do with intelligence or the lack there of.  I would roll my eyes reading it too, so feel free.) and yet scored so low in areas like: reading, math, and working memory.

The school system could not give us answers; nor could the private Jewish day school.  I had done some research and posed the questions repeatedly at the IEP meetings: "Could this be dyslexia?"  I was told they were unable to test for dyslexia until third grade.  They kept insisting time would tease out the specifics.  The TRUTH is: many school districts refuse, against all scientific data, to acknowledge dyslexia even exists.  You will most likely needs to find answers on your own thru private testing.

My hopes in writing this piece is someone out there will read this and say, "Hey, that sounds like my kid."  Or maybe this will help you in some other way.  We would love to know if it did.

So, what is Dyslexia?

According to the National Center for Learning Disabilities dyslexia is:

 a lifelong challenge people are born with.  This language processing disorder can hinder reading, writing, spelling and sometimes even speaking.  

Dyslexia is not a sign of poor intelligence or laziness.  

It is also not the result of impaired vision.  

Children and adults with dyslexia simply have a neurological disorder causing their brains to process and interpret information differently.

What Are the Warning Signs of Dyslexia?

Dyslexia: Warning Signs By Age

Young Children Trouble With: Recognizing letters, matching letters to sounds and blending sounds into speech Pronouncing words, for example saying “mawn lower” instead of “lawn mower” Learning and correctly using new vocabulary words Learning the alphabet, numbers, and days of the week or similar common word sequences Rhyming

School-Age Children Trouble With: Mastering the rules of spelling Remembering facts and numbers Handwriting or with gripping a pencil Learning and understanding new skills; instead, relying heavily on memorization Reading and spelling, such as reversing letters (d, b) or moving letters around (left, felt) Following a sequence of directions Trouble with word problems in math

Teenagers and Adults Trouble With: Reading at the expected level Understanding non-literal language, such as idioms, jokes, or proverbs Reading aloud Organizing and managing time Trouble summarizing a story Learning a foreign language Memorizing

I mentioned in an earlier post we pulled my boys from their private day school due to bullying.  (A long, horrible story for another day.)  Once I had them home and was working with them, I became more convinced what we were dealing with  was: Dyslexia.

We searched and found a psychologist specializing in diagnosing dyslexia in young children.  My presumptions were correct.  Merlin and Wild Krat were dyslexic.  Wild Krat was severe.  They were text book dyslexics and everyone I had been looking to for help the three years prior had totally missed it.

The truth is a trained psychologist should be able to pick up warning signs of dyslexia in preschool. The earlier a child is diagnosed the better.  Given the proper intervention children with dyslexia can learn  to read and write.

The Decision to Homeschool

Once we received the diagnosis we were faced with various options.  The first was to go thru the local, public school system and see what they would be able to offer.  After going thru the IEP process we found the local schools would provide remediation in a small group setting for reading and math.  The boys would be mainstreamed for the remaining subjects with no additional support.  They also qualified for speech and occupational therapy once a week for thirty minutes in a small group setting.  

We, of course, disagreed this was providing them an appropriate educational environment guaranteed under the law.  However, being down the road of Due Process before with Turbo we decided to consult our attorney.  After speaking with an attorney it was decided we should not go through a lengthy and expensive legal battle times two, so we kept searching. 

Baltimore is blessed with outstanding private schools for dyslexic children.  We promptly applied to both for Wild Krat and he was accepted.  Unfortunately, there was no financial aid available for incoming families at either school, so tuition was way beyond our price range. 

Merlin was more of a puzzle as his dyslexia is coupled with ADHD so we looked at a number of other private school options for him.  We found two and he was accepted to both.  In the end, after a lengthy conversation with our educational consultant, we decided against both as she felt they were not a good fit.   

After doing a lot of research and a lot of praying we decided homeschooling was our only option.  I will admit it, I had to be drug along kicking and screaming initially.  I was terrified and thought there was absolutely no way this could work.  I mean, I don't have a degree in education let alone a special education background.  After two and a half years I am happy to say what initially seemed a curse was in fact a huge blessing.

Again, I share this information with you hoping it will give you chizuk (strength) and be helpful.  Use our experiences as a blueprint.  Every child and every family has different strengths and needs.  No two situations are exactly alike.

Reading, Writing and Spelling Program

In my humble opinion homeschooling a child with dyslexia is the best thing for the child given you have the right help.  Seeking guidance from a qualified educational consultant is a great start.  Kiddos with dyslexia require an explicit, systematic, hands-on curriculum tailored to their individual needs.

The psychologist recommended we find a Speech and Language Pathologist who was trained in the Lindamood Bell Program, LiPs, to work with the boys.  I ended up finding Dr. R who was not only an SLP also trained in Lindamood Bell, but also a reading specialist trained in a number of various, scientifically based reading programs.  Dr. R. and I had a repour right from the start. She is an amazing human being spending a lot of time with me, free of charge, teaching me how to teach my boys.  The cherry on top of the sundae is Dr. R. is dyslexic herself so she understands what they need and how to get thru to them. After meeting with the boys and looking over their testing, she recommended using the Phono-Graphix program as she felt it would best suit their needs.

Phono Graphix has been a great fit.  The boys have made incredible progress this year --  and I do mean incredible!  Dr. R. has now been working with the boys for seven months.  In that time Merlin is now reading on grade level.  He went from a 1st grade reading level to a 3rd grade reading level.  Wild Krat was still struggling with the ABC's (in Phono Graphix we say sound pictures) at the beginning of the year.  He is now reading at a first grade mid year reading level!  Dr. R designed and implemented a reading, spelling, and writing program making all the difference in their lives.

We love you Dr. R!!!!

There is also a book on the market called Reading Reflex.  It is written by the creators of Phono Graphix, laying out a program for parents who want to work with their kiddos at home.  No special materials or training required.  It is straightforward and thourough.

 Reading, in my opinion is not a base skill -- it is a life skill!  So a lot of time and energy is placed reading in our home.

We have a very classical homeschool approach and spend a vast majority of our time and energy on the 3R's.  Dr. R. sees the boys four days a week for an hour individually each day, on  year-round schedule for reading therapy. I review "homework" in the evening as well as have them read a loud for a half-hour each.  Wild Krat and I take turns reading during his read-a-loud time as he is still struggling with decoding and fluency issues so reading is still very hard work for him.

Dr. R also sees them three days a week, for hour each, for speech and language therapy.  Many dyslexics also struggle with phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, or pragmatics so I would strongly urge you to consult an SLP to see if your child qualifies for services. This type of therapy is typically covered by insurance.  

The boys also have occupational therapy (which includes Handwriting Without Tears). This year they are also learning touch typing.  Touch typing is amazing for kiddos like mine dealing with dysgraphia as well as dyslexia.  We love the program Typing Instructor.  This program is structured like a game which keeps up motivation for Merlin especially. They no longer balk at "writing" assignments because the typing is so much easier for them then writing with paper and pencil. 

You can find the help you need in many places for little or no cost.  There are many non-profits who offer free tutoring to dyslexic children.  There are also grants available on a state and national level that can assist you in paying for these types of therapeutic services.  If you homeschool and are looking for a reading tutor my advice is to be very straight forward and honest about your financial situation and what you can afford to pay.  Most tutors work in the evening after most kids return home from school.  I have found many to be very generous with hourly rate reductions when you are able to give them daytime hours especially if you plan to have the child seen more then once a week.  You should also check with your financial advisor because many therapeutic services are tax deductible.

Math Program

Touch Math is a great program and for children with learning differences.  It is also very exciting to see Touch Math now has a homeschool version of their program.  They will also send you a free training video so you can see how they present the material. They also have free online training videos. The thing I love most about this program is it's mastery based and multi-sensory which works really well for us.  We went thru a number of math programs before finding this one thru a tutor.  Within a week concepts that had been difficult suddenly became easy and we were moving ahead full steam.  Wild Krat summed it up best when he said, "it finally makes sense."

Kodesh (Jewish Studies)

I have two goals when teaching my children kodesh: 

(1)"V'ahav'ta eit Adonai Elohekha b'khol l'vav'kha uv'khol naf'sh'kha uv'khol m'odekha.  And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. Dueteronomy 6:4-9   

(2)  "כל מה שתרצו שיעשו לכם בני האדם,כן גם אתם עשו להם Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you."  

I want my children to develop a life-long love of learning. 

At the psychologists recommendation, we took an entire year off of kriah (reading Hebrew) for Wild Krat.  It was too much for him.  Given the progress he has made with his english reading we will be working on kriah again this fall. Merlin spent the year honing his kriah skills using the Cap It! program and is beginning Chumash.  (The Five Books of Moses, Torah) We are using a combination of Lashon HaTorah and Bright Beginnings workbooks.

My husband davens (prays) with Merlin from a siddur (prayer book) in the mornings and I have used the My First Siddur with Wild Krat this year.  It worked well for us as it puts the davening to music, which was easier for Wild Krat to remember.  We also spend a lot of time discussing various tefillot  ( (blessing) and their meaning.  This coming fall, at Merlin's request, we will also be learning about The Thirteen Attributes of Mercy (Shalosh-'Esreh Middot HaRakhamim) in detail after davening as he noticed this at the back of his siddur.  

Parsha Shavua (the weekly Torah portion) is reviewed after morning davening during the week.  Wild Krat is a big lego fan and enjoys "building" his dvar Torah  (Torah thought) for Shabbat and discussing it during the sueda (meal).  Merlin loves us to put together parsha (portion) questions for him to answer during the meal and singing.  He has taught himself various Shabbat songs from the Aish HaTorah Website.

My kids are also expected to take on a chesed  (volunteer) project for the year.  I find it incredibly important to teach young children to give back and, in my humble opinion, not enough emphasis is placed on it.

On a side note, in case anyone reading this works for a publishing company for kodesh curriculum --Our orthodox homeschooling community is growing by the minute and we would love access to curriculum used in local yeshivot.  (Schools) The fact that many are blocking us from purchasing said curriculum is seriously ridiculous.  In regards to homeschooling, Jews are about thirty years behind our Christian counterparts in terms of homeschooling being an acceptable choice.  Whether you like it or not homeschoolers are here and we are not going anywhere.  Accept it!

Everything Else

Our science, music, history curriculum is very hands on and fun!  My kids are science fanatics so the they take a lot of science classes, both co-op (not in the Jewish community) and homeschool classes offered by our local aquarium and science center.  For history we have been using Story of the World.  It has a hands on component and includes map work as well.

Dr. R. has encouraged us to really find where the boys talents and interested lie and allow them to spend a lot of their time pursuing things they excel at.  This is a huge reason we have no formal learning on Fridays.  We do a lot of extracurriculars!

Dyslexic kids, even if they are homeschooled, know their reading skills are behind those of their peers.  Self esteem is vital to all children and the best way is give them an opportunity to shine in their areas of strength.

Socialization

The question I get most often and the biggest myth about homeschooling -- if you take them out of school how will they learn to socialize?

First of all there is a huge difference between socializing and being put in a class with twenty five other kids just because you were born in the same year.  I have seen far too many kids in a typical brick and mortar school setting who are not learning to socialize properly.  

As I mentioned before, my kids take a number of homeschool co-op classes based on their interests such as art, tae kwon do, music, and science to name a few.  Classes such as these are made up of children in an age range such as 7-12 years old.  I make sure they have weekly playdates and we go on regular outings with our local homeschool community center.  We also recently have began writing to pen pals.

In my experience I have found homeschooled children to be comfortable socializing with adults and younger or older children. They get exposure to many different types of people in many different settings.  Of course you could point to a socially akward homeschooled child but I could also point to children schooled in a traditional brick and mortar setting who are struggling.  I believe this is a matter of personality and not lack of socialization.

I must share with you this amazing blog post by Matt Walsh entitled Behold: The two absolutely worst arguments against homeschooling.  This is a must read!

Curriculum I Love

Touch Math

Phono Graphix

All About Spelling

All About Reading

Cap It! (Hebrew)

Story of the World

Apologia for science

Typing Instructor

Lashon HaTorah

Bright Beginnings 

Must Read Books on Dyslexia

Brain Intergration Therapy Manual by Diane Craft who has amazing ideas of how to work with children who are dyslexic/ADD/ADHD.  This book contains a method to enhance a child's brain function by performing simple physical movements that cross midline.  The book is simple and easy to use and a great way to "warm up" before beginning your academic day. Yes, it does work!  I speak from experience!

Dyslexic Advantage  There is a website with the same name by the authors and it is excellent as well. 

Overcoming Dyslexia  A wonderful source of information for the parent looking to understand the science behind dyslexia.  

In closing I would just like to say how proud I am of my kiddos.  They are intelligent, hard working, loving, generous people.  I have been humbled and awed by their fortitude and strength.  If you had asked me three years ago, homeschooling, would have not even been on my radar.  This experience has truly not only strengthened our family but enriched our lives.  The boys are thriving and happy!  Hatzlacha (success) in your own journey!  May Hashem (G-d) bless you with health, happiness, and only revealed good!  May we all go from strength to strength!

Five Year Anniversary of D (diagnosis) Day

It's been five years since I sat with Turbo in the neurologists office and got what I knew was coming: an autism diagnosis.


I remember the doctor looking at me expecting me to fall in the floor sobbing uncontrollably.  I didn't cry, I knew it was autism.  I was numb, though, as he rattled off the speech I am sure he had given to so many parents before me.  Two words snapped me out of my stupor: dog training.  He said we should seek out dog training (which is how referred to Applied Behavioral Analysis ABA), find a marriage counselor (because more then 80% of couples whose child is diagnosed with autism divorce), and we should consider residential for Turbo so we could have a "normal" life (really, I thought, he's only 26 months old).



The next months pass in a blur of learning special needs buzz words like: special diets, biomed, ABA, floor time, IFSP, FAPE, etc, etc, etc.  It was totally overwhelming and emotionally exhausting. We didn't go out and we had no one over.  I had no time to socialize my baby needed me.  He was depending on me to find therapists, an advocate, a school, specialists. There was no time to waste.  He needed early intervention and I had so much to learn.



Even now writing this the emotions are so raw.  I was such a mess a wild eyed "crazy lady."  I wasn't sleeping.  I was eight months pregnant with my daughter and would wake up with cold sweats in the middle of the night wondering what will happen to him if something happens to me.  No one will want him they'll just stick him in a home somewhere.  What am I going to do?  Will this new baby be autistic too?  How can we afford to pay for all of this?  I just lost it I couldn't breathe anymore.



Friends we had known for years started melting away.  I don't think they could handle the reality of it all.  It was hard to watch Turbo setting for hours banging his little head against the wall and screaming when I tried to hold him.  I had lost him.  The toddler who a few months earlier was laughing, babbling, and playing with his brothers was gone.  It was like he died and I didn't know how to process it.   He was right in front of me, yet he wasn't there at all.




We bought a house and moved shortly after Princess Flowers was born.  I had such high expectations for our new neighborhood.  Tons of kids on the block, most of them my boys' age.  We invited everyone on the block for Sabbath meals one family at a time.  We wanted them to know that we were excited to be there.  We gave them open invitations to our home because at that time Turbo could not go out to someone else's home.  He needed his own space, his toys, or he would lose it. A non profit in town actually bought and assembled a beautiful swing set in our backyard in hopes it would be a nice place the kids on the block could play.



No one ever came over.  When we called for Sabbath meals people were busy, they would get back to us, they never did.



One Friday night just after candelighting I heard a knock on my door.  Sabbath had just begun and I
had the boys in the living room dancing and singing Leha Dodi ( come my beloved ), a poem set to many melodies welcoming the Sabbath.  When I went to the door there stood my neighbor from across the street. She had not spoken to me in months.  I would see her everyone morning as I was leaving for carpool and would say, "good morning" to which I received no reply.  I was very surprised to see her there.


She got right down to business.  The alarm on their van was going off could he, as she points to Turbo, come and turn it off for us.  For those of you that are not Jewish or not observant she was asking for my son to break the Sabbath. She was asking  me to allow him to perform a forbidden activity because he was cognitively impaired -- so what difference did it make. She was, in affect, saying, "he doesn't matter."


I stood frozen for a moment.  I mean this is the daughter of a well respected rebbe at a local Jewish School, her freakin' husband is a rabbi/teacher/tutor for goodness sake.  She didn't understand why I was so upset. Turbo is not obligated to keep Shabbos -- he's handicapped.  So, stick to the letter of the law but you have no compassion for the fact you just flattened me emotionally.


I slammed the door in her face, pushed myself to continue singing with the boys, and cried myself to sleep that night.



Monday afternoon Turbo came home from school and started playing in the front yard running off
some energy after his long bus ride.  He had not spoke since his diagnosis, not a word, no hugs , no nothing.  I was setting on the front porch lost in my thoughts when I hear a familiar voice, a voice I hadn't heard in a long while, say "Hi! I said Hi!"


I look up to see Turbo standing at the edge of our front lawn waiving furiously at the horrible neighbor who had literally devastated my world just a couple days before. She stared back at him looking totally like a deer in headlights and forced a wave back to him. I laughed so hard I fell off my chair!!!!!!  Turbo ran over to me grabbed me around the neck and said, "love you!"

He was letting her and me know he was aware and paying attention and that he mattered!



Years gave gone by since that day.  Turbo is now in an awesome school.  He has amazing, caring therapists, teachers, and advocate.  He has an amazing little boy who has worked so hard and has overcome so much and has much left to overcome.  He defies specialists everyday who said he would never speak or use the bathroom on his own.

In your face.


He is loving and wants to be loved.  Slowly, day by day coming back to us.

To parents reading this who have just received a diagnosis.


There is hope!

Please remember this autism thing is a marathon not a sprint.  Don't beat yourself up for what you didn't know.  Surround yourself with good people.  Find a support group -- in person and not just one online.  A real honest to goodness face to face with people who understand and know what it is to have a special needs child.  People who will celebrate the victories with you and give you a hug and a tissue when you've had a crappy day. To all my fellow autism and special needs parents -- Chazak!  Chazak Ve'ematz!  Be strong! Be strong and have courage!

Homeschooling? Are you serious?

I pulled Merlin and Wild Krat from a private, religious dayschool two and half years ago because of bullying.  Merlin was being called names and verbally abused by teachers and Wild Krat was being physically abused by students and verbally abused my teachers.  Let this be a wake up call to parents ......my kids didn't say a word for almost a year about the abuse.  I learned of the abuse only after another student at the school who had witnessed all of this stepped forward.  When administration and school board where taken to task I was shocked at their unwillingness to insure my children's safety and to assure me it would never happen again.  When it become apparent that the school was not taking the bullying seriously we felt a difficult decision had to be made.  HOMESCHOOLING!!!!!  I literally had an anxiety attack just thinking about it! I'm not a teacher let alone a special educator how am I going to pull this off!  We are Orthodox Jews and truth be told our community does not do "out of the box" well.  No one I knew homeschooled. I didn't want my children to become social pariahs.  Homeschooling had never been on my radar but in truth after weighing all the options it was our best one.

 Baltimore is blessed with many wonderful private schools for children with different special needs.  Unfortunately, those schools come with a hefty price tag.  In most cases upwards of $30k a year.  In my experience many do not have aide for new, incoming families.  Since we do not have a money tree in the backyard that wasn't going to happen.  I mean I guess I could have sold a kidney but that would have only paid for one year.

 Thru the IEP process we learned the public schools in the city only offered remediation for reading and math in small groups. The boys would be mainstreamed for all other subjects.  After consulting with the boy's therapists, It became clear that it would not be intense enough remediation for them to make meaningful progress.  It would be a painfully slow process most likely with the need for us to have them tutored privately after school.  My boys were already frustrated.  Who wants to go to school six hours a day and then set with a tutor for another hour after that. In our opinion and that of our private therapists the placement the school system was recommending was not appropriate but we knew they would not see things that way.

At the time we were already in a fight with the school system regarding Turbo's placement.  It was exhausting and expensive since this type of thing requires advocates, expert witnesses, private assessments, and of course an attorney.  We knew it would be an uphill battle and one we were not prepared to fund at the time.  So like it or not homeschooling was the plan.

Last year we used a very popular and well respected boxed curriculum.  Boxed curriculum is exactly what it sounds like; everything thing you need from teaching materials, student materials, and supplies can be found in the box they send.  It was all put together and all I had to do was follow the instructions.  For us this was a complete disaster!  The boys found the material boring and math in particular was a nightmare (it followed common core .....oye vey!).   I cried, they cried and I wondered what the hell I had been thinking to take this on,  was I insane?  We ended the year a month early and I knew I had a lot of research to do.  I changed EVERYTHING!  Curriculum, schedule, everything!

I saw a great quote a while back, "It's never the child, it's the teaching."  So very true!  After turning everything completely upside down we found our sweet spot and this year could not have gone better!   First, we found a wonderful umbrella group with a knowledgable director.  Umbrella groups are organizations who do all the tedious record keeping for you so you do not have do deal with the local school system.   The director for our umbrella group, Wendy, helped me so much.  She helped me calm down and sort out all of my options.  Wendy also told us about the Baltimore  Homeschooling Community Center.  BHCC offered co-op classes in
many subjects and a central place for like minded families to spend time together.  My kids took three classes there this year.

 We also picked knew curriculum after I found my angel, Ms. R, who is a SLP and reading tutor but sooooo much more.  Ms. R is one of those people who is passionate about what they do!  She herself is dyslexic and took a personal interest in helping the boys be successful and confident. She spends time working with the boys, obviously, but has also has spent her own time tutoring and guiding me on how to present material so it works for my kids.  The boys have made so much progress this year and I am so grateful!

In future blogs we will discuss more details about our homeschooling journeys.  I do want other families out there to know that homeschool can be a wonderful option for your child!  Someone recently asked me what the best part about homeschooling is.  My reply was that my kids got their sparkle back!  They love learning and realize the world is their oyster if they are willing to work hard!  Their diagnosis does not define them. Oh and like Merlin said...."homeschooling means no bullies!"